The Healing Power of Self-Acceptance in Communication

Daily writing prompt

What’s something you would attempt if you were guaranteed not to fail.

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If I were guaranteed not to fail, I’d finally speak up without fear of judgement.  I’m a highly sensitive person and a lot of the time I forgo speaking at all.  I’ll usually just stay quiet because I have such a big fear of rejection, getting hurt, and shame.  I’ve had this fear for most of my life, and it certainly hasn’t got any easier, like I once thought it would.  I thought it would be something that I would eventually grow out of, but to be honest, it’s only gotten worse.  

Growing up, I would always try to stay hidden amongst the crowd. I never wanted to be in vulnerable situation where I was pressured to open up.  This stems from early childhood, and I can’t quite remember the first time I felt rejection, but I know the feelings of it have always been there.  I recall this one time in pre-school where family came to celebrate my fourth birthday.  I was in the classroom on the verge of tears because people were singing happy birthday.  I just couldn’t handle the attention.  

In fact, I can’t recall a time where I’ve ever enjoyed the spotlight.  It’s funny because in my mind, I feel like the world revolves around me.  I assume everyone is thinking about me, looking at me, and judging, when in actuality, people could care less what I’m doing.  I’m not holding myself on a pedestal by any means, it’s just that I can’t help but think I’m a distraction or get in people’s way.  

The reason I bring all of this up is that it’s made it nearly impossible to speak to people sometimes—especially in front of a lot of people.  It’s one of my biggest insecurities.  I fear that I’ll say something wrong or out of context and make a fool of myself.  I like to think I don’t care what others think of me, but deep down I truly do, and I’m looking for acceptance. 

If I could speak to people with ease and confidence, it would be so healing for me.  Healing in the sense that I wouldn’t doubt myself so much and be comfortable in my own skin.  That’s really all I want—to be comfortable and self-assured.  

I’m working hard on the part of me that constantly surrenders to the thoughts in my mind.  Sometimes they’re factual, but most of the time it’s made-up scenarios that I believe to be true.  It’s hard to unlearn years of negative thinking, but little by little, I’m leaning into self-acceptance.  

So, If I could speak without fear of judgement, I could be more authentic. I’d let my mask down, and just freely be myself.  I know that with time and dedication, I might be able to get there, but for now, I’ll just keep taking baby steps.