The Hidden Struggles of Decision Making

Lately, I’ve started noticing how much decision-making quietly wears on me. I’ve been with friends for the past month, and somehow I’m always the one they turn to when it’s time to choose. They expect a response on where to eat, what to do, and where to go. It honestly makes me uncomfortable to be put in that position, even though I know they’re trying to include me.

What they don’t see is what happens internally when I’m asked to decide. My mind doesn’t move in straight lines. It bounces from thought to thought, idea to idea, answer to answer, imagining everything unfolding before I ever say a word.

I’ll stop to consider things like the noise level of certain places, the regret of not choosing another option, and whether everyone will enjoy my suggestion. By the time I’ve gone through all of that, there’s already a stillness in the air. It feels like I’m being watched closely. And then something in me tenses.

I don’t like being the one to decide quickly because I can’t make up my mind fast enough. I need time to sit with it, feel it in my body, and sense what feels aligned before I say yes or no. When I’m rushed, I lose all of that inner knowing. I’ll start choosing just to end the silence.

“I’m fine with anything,” I’ll say. But I’m not fine with anything. I just don’t know how to compress my process into something more convenient.

The truth is, I process things very deeply. I don’t skim over decisions, I inhabit them. I imagine the night ahead, even the aftermath. Will I be overstimulated? Will I feel connected or quietly drained? So many layers go through my mind.

Lately, the constant choosing has left me more exhausted than I want to admit. But I’m starting to see that what I once called indecisiveness is actually my sensitivity, thoughtfulness, and an unwillingness to override myself just to keep things moving.

Maybe I’m not bad at decisions. Maybe I just refuse to make them without consulting my whole self first.

When have you mistaken depth for indecisiveness, and what would it feel like to honor your own process instead of rushing?

“Patience is not the ability to wait, but the ability to keep a good attitude while waiting.” – Joyce Meyer