How Anxiety Protects Us and Holds Us Back

Anxiety means well, in its own way.  It stands at the threshold of my life, trying to protect me from pain, rejection, or embarrassment.  But in doing so, it also keeps out joy, opportunity, and connection. 

I always saw anxiety as the enemy.  I wanted to silence it, to push it away, to make it disappear entirely.  Being such an anxious person makes me feel so nervous and uncertain about myself.  To this day, I don’t necessarily understand why my mind is constantly on alert, searching for threats that didn’t exist.  I envy people who appear to move through life with ease.  Instead, I’m over here planning escape routes in social situations and rehearsing conversations in my mind before speaking. 

For me, anxiety is something that I can’t control.  I can’t just put a pause button on it, no matter how badly I want to.  Sometimes my anxiety gets so overwhelming that it makes me physically ill.  I’d be terrified to make phone calls at work for fear of not being able to respond quickly due to how long it takes me to process questions.  

Job interviews, or any type of interview for that matter, frighten me more than anything else.  When I have one, I panic so much beforehand that my tension builds in my muscles and I can feel the nausea start.  I have meltdowns, and anxiety that lasts for days, even months after.  And you know what? I usually end up canceling the interview because I’m too nervous.  

My body and mind feel threatened at that point, so I go into shutdown mode.  I essentially feel numb.  I can barely talk, move, or regain balance.  The reason why I get so nervous in these situations is because I intensely fear rejection, judgment, and criticism.  I’m highly sensitive, and the moment I receive even the slightest criticism, I completely shatter.  I’ll start to cry, overheat, and just become so flustered that my mind can’t stop racing with self-doubt.

But as of late, I’ve grown and learned more about myself, and I’ve started to look at anxiety differently.  It’s not here to ruin my life.  It’s here to protect me.  It’s just the part of me that says, “Be careful.  Remember the last time you got hurt?” It’s the voice inside that learned, somewhere along the line, that the world can be harsh and unpredictable. 

Anxiety is like a gatekeeper.  It stands guard, always watching, always on duty.  The major problem is that it doesn’t always know when to let the good things in.  It closes the gate to danger, but it also keeps out laughter, spontaneity, and enjoyment.

The truth is, I don’t want to live behind a gate anymore. I want to walk through it. I want to open the door to connection, love, creativity, and courage, even if it feels uncomfortable at first. Because joy and fear often exist side by side.  And every time I take a step beyond that gate, I remind myself that I am stronger than the voice that tries to hold me back.