The Way I Unwind: Self-Care Through Unmasking

My mind is constantly go, go, go throughout the day. Whether the day is hectic or slow, I’m still in my head—overthinking. For me, in order to relax and unwind, I need to unmask. I replay the day, think about the next one, and sort through scattered thoughts that always resurface. Unmasking is how I come back to myself.

For me, unmasking doesn’t mean becoming someone completely different. It means letting go of the version of me that is always monitoring herself—how she sounds, how she reacts, how she’s being perceived. It’s the shift from being constantly aware of how I’m coming across to not having to think about it for a while. It looks like not forcing myself to be “okay” when I’m not, and not shaping my reactions just to make things easier for everyone else.

There’s a version of me that exists throughout the day that I don’t always notice I’m performing until I finally stop. I’m aware, composed, and careful with my reactions. I answer when I’m tired, smile when I’m overstimulated, and keep things together while feeling like I’m falling apart. It’s not that I’m being fake—it’s just how I genuinely get through the day.

Usually I need this every time I socialize—whether it’s a long conversation or just a few words shared. I need time to recover afterward. Just the other day, I went out running a few errands I didn’t really want to do. I was fatigued, anxious, and already overstimulated before I left the house. I went to the market to pick up a few things, and it was jam packed. I tried to move through it as quickly as possible just to get out. By the time I got home, I was even more exhausted than when I left.

When I finally get home, I know it’s my time to shine. It’s the only place where I feel like I can fully be myself. It’s a sigh of relief when I realize I don’t have to respond to anything anymore. Even though I work as an in-home caregiver and I’m often “on,” I have the freedom to shut my door and have time to myself. Sometimes I just sit in silence for a moment—the quiet feels heavy at first, like my nervous system is still catching up. But slowly, it brings a sense of release, like I can finally exhale everything I was holding in. That’s when I feel the weight of the day begin to settle.

At that point, I don’t try to be anything anymore.
I just exist.

So when I’m finally in my own space of solitude and silence, my self-care begins. I start letting go of the need to always be on, the effort of managing myself for other people, and the version of me that was built for function, not feeling. That’s self-care for me.

I immediately changed into my pajamas, threw on a movie, and started writing—letting my frustrations spill out instead of holding them in. In that moment, I was able to come back to earth and unmask.

Here’s what I do to unwind:

• Immediately get into comfy clothes—I don’t like being dressed up for no reason
• I throw on the TV or play some music so I have something in the background
• Open up my computer to write and blog
• Take a hot shower to soothe my muscles
• Read a few chapters of a novel before bed
• My nightly ritual of peach tea and oatmeal cookies—warm, familiar, comforting

These are my little ways of unwinding and calming my nervous system after a long day of masking. Each one helps in a different way—some slow my body down, some quiet my mind, and some bring me back into myself.

Sometimes unwinding isn’t about doing anything at all. It’s about allowing myself to stop being everything I needed to be for the day. To let go of the pressure, the expectations, and the constant awareness. To come back to a version of myself that doesn’t have to try so hard.

Because for me, self-care isn’t always about adding something. It’s about finally letting the mask go.

What parts of myself do I only notice I’ve been “holding together” once I finally stop performing for the day?

“Sometimes the most important kind of rest is the one where you finally stop pretending to be okay.”-Unknown