How Anxiety Changes the Way You See Yourself

For a long time, anxiety has felt like something that has shaped parts of who I am. I feel like it has taken over pieces of my personality and parts of my life in ways I didn’t always understand.

Anxiety is something I live with every day, and I’m still trying to understand why it affects me so deeply.

Anxiety tells us we’re unsafe. It tells us our bodies are in protective mode. That we’re trying to fight through something that feels too hard to manage or navigate.

For a long time, I treated every anxious thought like it was a warning I needed to listen to. I thought my brain was protecting me.

But I’ve started realizing that anxiety doesn’t always tell the truth.

Sometimes it just tells the story it’s afraid of.

Anxiety has convinced me that I’m behind in life. It has convinced me that I’m not as capable as I thought I was. It tells me that I’m someone who won’t be accepted by society.

I compare myself to other people and suddenly I feel like I’m not doing enough. Like I’m not trying hard enough. Like everyone else is moving forward while I’m stuck.

I want to live life in the moment, but anxiety pulls me into analyzing every little detail about a situation, an environment, or a person.

Sometimes I don’t even know if it’s anxiety or fear. Maybe there’s a difference. I think there probably is.

Anxiety has also convinced me that I have to get everything right.

Make the perfect decisions. Avoid mistakes. Never mess up.

That is a lot of pressure to carry.

I’ve always been someone who tries my best. But even when I was trying, I still felt behind. I made mistakes. I questioned my choices. And I let fear and anxiety steer the ship for a long time.

And that made life so much harder than it needed to be.

I’m also convinced that people are constantly upset with me.

My rejection sensitivity dysphoria can be so intense that it’s hard to leave that space of sensitivity. I’m always in my head overthinking what I said, how I said it, and what other people’s reactions might mean.

There are times when I’m with friends and I notice a side look or a small laugh after something I’ve said. Something that seems small can instantly make my brain tell me I’m stupid or unlikeable.

And then I dwell on it.

Instead of being present, I’m stuck analyzing the moment. My mind starts turning a fear into something that feels like a fact.

Anxiety tells me I should be doing more.

It tells me I’m lazy. That I’m unmotivated. That I’m not accomplishing enough. And that I’m too small to achieve anything.

It convinces me that I don’t deserve rest.

It tells me I should always be active, productive, and busy.

And that brings so much guilt.

I can’t tell you how many times a day I let out a sigh because I feel like I’m not doing enough or that I wasted a day.

Rest has always been hard for me.

Anxiety has also convinced me that I can’t handle hard things.

It tells me I’m not strong enough. That I’m not the type of person who can chase big goals or overcome difficult things.

And the hardest part?

I listened to it for most of my life.

It told me not to pursue certain opportunities because I wasn’t good enough. It told me I would never find love because I was unlovable. And it told me I was a failure and that I was always going to be one.

But when I look back, I realize something different.

I survived things I never thought I would.

I survived my entire school career and earlier jobs undiagnosed. I’d masked my way through hard moments, pretending to be calm, collected, and like I had everything figured out.

People saw that version of me and were drawn to her.

But they didn’t always see how much I was carrying underneath.

I survived years of feeling misunderstood.

And I’ve grown so much since finally understanding myself better.

I’m much stronger than I ever gave myself credit for, and that realization has changed the way I see myself.

Sure, anxiety will probably always be there whispering that I can’t do something.

But now, I’m learning that I don’t have to listen.

I’m still learning how to recognize the difference between my intuition and my anxiety.

I’m still learning that a thought can feel real without actually being true.

Healing isn’t about never having anxious thoughts again.

It’s learning that I don’t have to believe every single one of them.

What is something anxiety has convinced you is true that you’re learning to question?

“You don’t have to believe everything you think.”— Unknown

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