Letting Go of Grudges: Finding Your Peace

Personally, I’ve never liked holding grudges against people. They feel heavy, like carrying around an added weight. But if I’ve been hurt deeply, forgiveness doesn’t come easily. I’m the type of person who will forgive but never forget. And once trust is broken, it’s nearly impossible to rebuild.

It takes a lot of time and energy to process hurt, especially when it comes from someone I loved and trusted wholeheartedly. I don’t really know the difference between a grudge and a personal distrust, but what I do know is that sometimes, the healthiest thing you can do is let certain people go. If someone no longer wants to be part of your life, it’s okay to let them go.

I’ve had this happen with a friend. We were inseparable for a time, sharing practically every moment of our lives together. It was a friendship I thought would last forever. But then we had a major falling out. Words were exchanged—words that cut deeply. I think we both knew exactly where to hit each other so it would hurt the most. And once those words were out in the open, there was no chance of going back to “normal.”

We still talk every once in a blue moon, usually when a mutual friend has us over at the same time. We act like nothing ever happened, and honestly, I prefer it that way. No need to reopen old wounds. But what was once a flourishing, vibrant friendship now feels like a distant memory—a completely different chapter of my life. People grow apart, and sometimes all it takes is one heated moment to shift a bond that once felt unbreakable.

I don’t know if I’d call what I carry a grudge. For me, it feels more like resentment. A lingering ache that doesn’t go away. I get very defensive, so if my character is ever attacked, I’ll remember. I stand up for myself now in ways I never used to—or even imagined I could.

For most of my life, I let people walk all over me. I was the rag doll tossed around, played with, and thrown aside when no longer needed. Back then, I’d always say, “It’s okay.” Even when it wasn’t. Even when it hurt.

But I’m not that person anymore. I’ve learned to hold my ground, even if that means some people think I’m holding a grudge. Maybe I am, maybe I’m not. What I know for certain is that I’m no longer swallowing my pain just to keep the peace. I’m no longer saying, “It’s okay,” when it’s not.

And if that means losing people along the way, then so be it. Because protecting my peace and my mental health is worth far more than pretending nothing happened.

“Forgive others, not because they deserve forgiveness, but because you deserve peace.”

Jonathan Lockwood Huie