I Was Afraid to Hit Publish for Years

There was a moment where I just sat there staring at the “publish” button, and I didn’t click it right away. I kept rereading what I wrote, overthinking it, wondering if I should take parts out or make it less personal.

Because lately, I feel like I’ve been very open and vulnerable about my feelings.

Usually, I never like for anyone to see my deeply personal writing. But, with newfound confidence in sharing my stories with you all, I felt safe enough to do so.

Even then, it still felt like a risk. It’s always a risk putting yourself out there—for judgement, criticism, rejection—and that’s something that I’ve feared my whole life.

And honestly, that fear didn’t just show up recently. Even when I was in college studying journalism, that same feeling followed me everywhere.

I was too afraid to share my thoughts or my writing in general. I always felt like I couldn’t handle any negative feedback, because it would sit with me. It would genuinely hurt my feelings and make me greatly doubt myself.

And it did.

I remember one class required us to actually get up in front of the class and read what we wrote.

Needless to say, at the time, I just couldn’t handle it.

I couldn’t handle the fear of public speaking, let alone sharing something personal.

So I dropped the class.

And even now, that moment still stays with me. It still kind of haunts me, because it changed the trajectory of my education. That moment isn’t one that I’m proud of.

But at the same time, it’s part of my story.

Looking back, I went through my whole school career undiagnosed and unmedicated. I don’t know how I did, but I did.

And because of that, that wasn’t a risk I’m proud of either.

But still, I know who I am now.

Or at least, I’m starting to.

And I’m trying to embrace that in a way I never really did before.

So when I say I found the courage to put myself out there with my writing, I really mean it.

Because for me, this isn’t small. This is years of fear, self-doubt, and holding everything in… slowly starting to loosen its grip.

And eventually, I clicked “publish.”

And I must say, it’s been so therapeutic, so fulfilling, so positive in my life that it brought forth a change in myself.

That doesn’t mean it’s been perfect.

Yes, I’ve been criticized for my writing (by an ex-friend), and that still stings.

But still, I keep going.

Because here, I’m not trying to be perfect.

I’m not offering professional advice.

I’m simply sharing raw, vulnerable reflections that have happened in my life and shaped who I am.

And more than anything, it always makes me feel good when I make a connection with others out there who resonate.

Because it helps me feel less alone.

So no… I don’t regret hitting “publish.”

Even if it scared me.

Even if it still does sometimes.

Because for once, I didn’t let fear stop me.

I let myself be seen anyway.

What is something you’ve been afraid to share—and what might happen if you let yourself be seen anyway?

“Everything you’ve ever wanted is on the other side of fear.” — George Addair