Navigating Anxiety: My Journey to Healing

At the moment, I’m feeling very anxious.  My heart is racing rapidly.  My mind feels numbed.  My body, tired.    

Nothing happened in particular today, it’s just something overwhelming came over me.  My anxiety gets heavier as the day goes on, and the triggers are more prevalent.  I think it’s just because there’s been so much on my mind lately.  

I’m under a great deal of stress.  And most of the time, I don’t know how to navigate that.  I just let it build up until I burst.  I haven’t quite mastered how to calm myself down during these moments.  I try to do the usual.  Breathe deeply.  Exhale gently.  Anything to get my mind out of the chaos inside.  

But for some reason, I can’t pull myself out of my funk.  I’m just so used to being my head all of the time, worrying about everything.  I try to apply helpful tools from therapy and other sources, but I never follow through.  I’m essentially just ignoring things that are useful and will actually help me.  

Have you ever felt like that?  When you completely ignore or neglect something beneficial for your health?  It’s like self-sabotage.  

I try really hard to stay positive and have a better outlook on life in general, but sometimes I can’t bring myself to do it.  I’m rather ashamed of it.  I don’t want to be the way I am most of the time.  All mopey and stuck in my head.  It’s difficult to unlearn years of that type of mentality.  

But I’m truly trying my best to improve that aspect of my life.  I’m trying to see the good, instead of the bad all the time.  I’m on a journey of healing, and it’s slow, but I know that with each day that passes, I’m putting in the effort.  

There was a time where I would easily give up.  I suppose it’s because I felt worthless.  Hopeless.  But something in me has changed.  I don’t want to just keep doing what I’ve been doing.  I’m honestly not helping myself that way.  So, I’m working on new techniques to show myself gratitude and give myself some grace.  

Hopefully, this anxious feeling will pass.  I’m so tired of having anxiety following me around like a shadow.  I wish I could just release it, but it’s too attached to me.  I need to find some sense of stability.  With time, and patience, I know I can make it through.  I just have to keep trying my best.