Transforming Self-Doubt into Self-Love

If someone were to ask me, “What’s one thing you would change about yourself?” I wish that I could confidently say, “Absolutely nothing.”  That I’ve reached a place of self-acceptance—no doubts, no insecurities, no inner battles.  But the truth is that there are still things I would change. 

I wouldn’t change the fact that I’m neurodivergent, that part of me has been life-changing in the best way.  Receiving my diagnoses gave me answers to years of confusion, overwhelm, and feeling like I didn’t belong.  Being neurodivergent is not something I’d reason because it’s the reason I understand myself more fully now than ever before.  

But there are aspects of my traits that I still struggle with.  Like how intensely hard I can be on myself.  Whenever something goes wrong, even something small, my first instinct is to assume it’s my fault.  I blame myself quickly and fiercely.  I hold onto guilt so tightly that it becomes a part of my identity.  I carry around shame all of the time.  It’s frustrating.  I wish I could stop that reflex and I wish I could unlearn that voice in my head that tells me I’m always the problem. 

Before I understood my neurodivergence, I believed my sensitivity, my deep empathy, and my emotional intensity were flaws.  I used to wish I could change all of that.  In fact, there were years where I wanted to be someone else entirely, someone who didn’t struggle with constant self-doubt and low self-esteem.   

I admired neurotypicals for being lively, vivacious, confident, for their ability to take up space without second-guessing their every move.  I felt inadequate and honestly jealous.  Every time I fell short of who I thought I should be, I convinced myself that I just wasn’t enough. 

And when that self-loathing built up, it burst into fiery flames.  My hurt morphed into anger.  It’s not an explosive rage, it’s more sharp, reactive, and usually directed at the wrong things and the wrong people. I don’t like that part of me either. 

But now I see the root cause.  All of it traces back to one thing: not knowing how to accept myself.  Today, I’m trying to see my traits under a new light.  My sensitivity makes me attuned to others.  My empathy makes me someone people feel comfortable with.  And my deep feelings allow me to love with my whole heart. 

I’ve learned that these aren’t weaknesses, they’re gifts.  I’m starting to show myself the same compassion that I so willing give to others.  Because I know now just how strong, capable, and worthy I am.   

So, if there’s one thing I would change, it’s this: I want to stop treating myself like I’m the villain in my own story.  I want to give myself space to make mistakes, to learn, to grow, without punishing myself for simply existing. 

And maybe one day, when someone asks what I’d change about myself, I’ll finally be able to say: “Nothing. Because every part of me belongs here.”

“Healing begins the moment we stop apologizing for who we are.”

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