Too Much and Not Enough: Living in the In-Between

There’s a version of me that still lingers in the corners of every room—quiet, unsure, trying to figure out how much of myself is safe to show.  I’ve spent a long time walking a tightrope between too much and not enough.  

I’ve been told that I’m too sensitive, too emotional, too quiet, and too intense. And yet—somehow—not enough to belong, not enough to be taken seriously, and not enough to matter.

It’s a strange place to live, the in-between.  Always adjusting, performing, and always questioning myself.  Did I say too much?  Was I too quiet?  Did I make it weird? It’s exhausting, and it’s lonely. 

Living Between the Extremes

I’ve always felt like I existed on the margins—never quite “fitting,” always shapeshifting.  In friendships, I worried I was too needy.  In school, I felt not smart enough.  In work, too scatter brained.  In relationships, too intense.  There was always something—always a part of me that someone, somewhere, told me I just a bit much. 

And so, I learned to tone myself down.  I cried privately. I laughed softer. I kept quiet. I never asked for help. The list goes on. But the silence didn’t protect me. It only made me disappear.

The Neurodivergent Layer

Looking back now—with the clarity of a late neurodivergent diagnosis—I can finally name it: the masking, the emotional dysregulation, the sensory overload, the intense empathy, the fixation on things that felt big when everyone else seemed fine.

Neurodivergence means living in a world that often wasn’t built for your brain.  It’s being aware of how you’re perceived while struggling to filter your reactions.  It’s being told to calm down when your body is screaming.  It’s being praised for your intelligence one day and shamed for needing rest the next. 

And it’s always feeling like you have to earn your place.  Either by softening up or working twice as hard just to be noticed. 

Reclaiming the Middle Space

I’m learning now that there is no too much or not enough. There is only who I am. And that’s enough.  I’m trying not to shrink myself.  Now, I take up space, even when I feel awkward.  My voice might shake, and my words might spill out too fast, but I’m staying present.  I’m allowing myself to feel my emotions and say not to people without guilt.  

The in-between doesn’t scare me like it used to.  It feels like home now.  Because that’s where the real me lives—not in the performance, not in the extremes, but in the messy, vulnerable middle.

“You are not too much. You are exactly the right amount of magic, tenderness, and truth.”

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