Embrace Your Unique Journey: Stop the Comparison

For most of my life, I’ve lived by comparison. It’s not because I want to — it’s because my brain can’t help but go there. I’ve always felt inadequate and not up to par among my peers. I think it’s because I don’t perform like them. I don’t move through life with ease.

I’m more stuck in my head most of the time — either in my own little daydreaming world, or in my anxious overthinking mode. I spend much more time in the latter.

Growing up, I watched my friends excel at certain things. Joining extracurricular activities. Acing classes. Making friends effortlessly. For me, it was much more of a struggle. I always just wanted to go home after school because I was so burned out from masking all day.

Extracurricular activities weren’t something I wanted to partake in. I was uncomfortable socially most of the time, and the thought of putting myself through even more social battery burnout felt unbearable. Thus, I chose rest over productivity.

I didn’t know I was neurodivergent then, but all the signs were there. I never realized that what I was doing was actually recharging — choosing myself in the long run.

Still, I was jealous.

Other people seemed so vivacious. They had big personalities. They always looked comfortable and content — happy, joyful, loud, and able to command a room. I was shy. Quiet. Reserved.

I did do sports growing up. I played soccer for a long time, even though I was mentally exhausted from the constant socialization, focus, and burnout that came with it. Sometimes I’d skip practices — either because I didn’t have many friends on the team, or because I needed more rest after school.

But I stuck with it because I enjoyed it.

What I didn’t enjoy was the constant overthinking. I compared myself endlessly to the other girls on the team. I wasn’t pleased with my appearance, I stacked my weight against theirs, and I wanted to be included but had a hard time being noticed. It was hard because I was often the one lagging behind because I was a little overweight.

It’s hard to do something you love while constantly measuring your worth against others.

Still to this day, I often compare myself. I’m definitely not in the typical category of “accomplishments.” I’m not married. I don’t have a career, kids, or the life people expect by my age. And it’s hard not to wonder why I don’t have those things.

Why can’t I live like “normal” people?

Instead, I judge myself. I compare my lack of achievements to everyone else’s. Sometimes I feel like people think I’m childish or weird for not being those things — because my reality is very far from theirs.

Currently I live at home with my parents and work as my mom’s caregiver. I went to college and got my degree in journalism and mass communications, but I never really did anything with it. I didn’t follow a typical career path.

A lot of that comes from fear.

I’ve lived most of my life afraid of people and their judgment. Finding jobs — and actually being hired — has always been hard for me. Not because I’m not smart, but because my anxiety takes over my mind and body. Interviews are tough. People still frighten me. I’ve had unpleasant job experiences in the past.

And the truth is, my mind just can’t do a typical 9-to-5. It doesn’t operate that way. I want to work to live, not live to work and enjoy my alone time away from people.

For a long time, that felt like a hindrance. I didn’t feel accomplished, worthy, or that I was enough as I am.

Over time, I’ve realized that self-comparison is unhealthy.  I’ve made a conscious effort to step away from it, and little by little, I’ve made progress.  I’m not embarrassed by my situation the way I once was.  My life took a different path than I expected, and I’m no longer apologetic for that.

This is my life. I’m living it on my terms — at my pace, in my comfort, and in the way that protects my inner peace.  I’m learning to look at myself more gently and to appreciate what I’ve done and what I continue to do, even if it doesn’t come with trophies or traditional milestones.

It’s okay to move differently.  It’s okay to move slower.  And it’s okay to be exactly who I am.

Where in your life are you measuring yourself against someone else’s timeline instead of honoring your own needs and pace?

“Not every journey looks impressive from the outside. Some are quiet, slow, and still deeply meaningful.”