Friendship Hurts: The Pain of Being Vulnerable and Overlooked

I’ve always been someone who buries their feelings. I do this out of fear of getting my feelings hurt if I genuinely open up to someone. Truth is, I’ve never felt comfortable expressing my feelings. I have a hard time doing so because I don’t think people really care to hear my problems. Through so much observation, I’ve noticed that people like to talk about themselves more than they like to listen. So, I learned early on that it wasn’t safe to express how I truly felt.

In friendships, it makes it even more complicated. I’ve always held my friendships close to my heart. When I love, I love deeply and full-heartedly. The last thing I ever want to do is lose one. So, I’ve always stayed quiet, listened closely to their words, and figured out ways to help with insightful advice. But never once have I fully opened up about my true inner feelings. Sure, I’ve expressed my interests, talked about day-to-day problems, and spoke about some things below the surface. But I haven’t ever been fully open.

I hide my feelings. I don’t want anyone to see how overwhelmed and stressed out I feel. I don’t want them to see the pain inside. I want them to see the mask I wear every day. I want them to think I’m “normal.” I want them to think that I’m a great person to be around. I feel like if I were to say what’s really on my mind, people would leave me for it. They’d just disappear like they were never my friend to begin with. That’s my greatest fear.

But lately, being on my journey to wellness has been crucial in my decisions. I’ve really been trying to better myself. I’ve become more expressive of how I feel because I know how important boundaries are now. People-pleasing is something I’ve always done, but now I’m fed up with being taken advantage of. I’m tired of feeling like a second thought or a stepping stool. So, I’ve been a little more open to being vulnerable and sharing my thoughts.

Recently, I had an experience with a friend that I’ve known for most of my life. We are very similar in a lot of ways, but also very different. She’s neurodivergent, so we have a lot in common in that sense. It’s easy to be friends with someone who understands the day-to-day struggles you face as someone who’s neurodivergent. But lately, I’ve noticed changes in her that have been difficult to navigate.