Coping with Emotional Spirals: Tools for Relief

I’ve had many moments throughout my life where I spiral out of control.  Instead of facing my problems head on, I tend to absorb them.  I lock them away into some compartment of my mind to deal with later. It’s not healthy, I know, but I get too overwhelmed by the number of negative thoughts.  So, instead of dealing with them in real time, I put them on the back burner to simmer, hoping they’ll fade.   

But soon enough they boil over.  It’s like a ticking-time bomb.  I never know when it’s going to explode.  I’ve become quite accustomed to outburst and meltdowns.  My patience wears thin, and once I feel that spiral creeping in, I panic.  I know it’s game over for me.  There’s no coming back.  My rage becomes extreme, and in those moments, all I see is red. 

Sometimes, I won’t even be aware or forewarned that a spiral will happen.  Often, the triggers are hidden.  There’s no clear indication as to what brought on those emotions.  I could be in a good mood, going about my day as usual, and then all of a sudden, I snap.  It’s not a way that I want to be perceived by others.  I feel ashamed, guilty, and just plain mad at myself.  

Spiraling is intense and it’s something that I believe builds with time.  And with every new added layer, the restlessness and irritation grows.  I spoke of this before, but when I had a meltdown camping, it was one of the most embarrassing moments I’ve had.  

Who wants to be the one ruining everyone else’s good time? Not me.  But there I was, sitting by myself on a blanket, rummaging over the endless thoughts of how miserable I was.  It continued to grow in my mind, and there was no way I could stop it from coming on.  I couldn’t find the positive in the situation.  I couldn’t navigate the internal turmoil.  

There was no breakthrough moment, where I could calm myself and move on with my day.  No.  I had to scream cry.  I had to hyperventilate.  Then, the big blast came.  And I took it out on people I love.  

I went storming into the tent where they were sleeping.  Threw things around trying to angrily grab my backpack and stomped around like a fool.  The moment I did that; my embarrassment shone bright.  I went back to my blanket, took five deep breaths, and sat down with my friends.  I’m thankful that one friend, talked me down.  She didn’t judge me or get mad at me.  She just knew that I needed some extra support, and comfort.  

As the day progressed.  I sat by the beautiful rushing river, and said aloud, I love it here.  Everyone laughed, but I couldn’t blame them.  Who else does a 180 after an intense meltdown.  Somehow, I did. 

That day by the river taught me something.  I didn’t just need to “get over it,” I needed tools, support, and gentleness.  Since then, I’ve been exploring things that help me feel grounded when I sense a spiral coming.  

Here are few things I’ve tried:   

• Breathe deeply and exhale slowly.  I’ve worked with my therapist on this one.  During some of our sessions, especially when I’m really anxious, we’ll go through it.  I apply this now, every time things become too much.  Just focusing on my breath gives me a small sense of control. 
• Stretching.  Spiraling often feels like my body is trying to contain a monster that wants to break free.  My muscles tense up, and the pressure becomes physical.  Thus, my tension becomes painful.  So, stretching out my neck, shoulders, legs, and all helps me to release that unbearable feeling. 
• Walk it off.  Sometimes, I’ll just need to get out of the house and move.  I need to clear my thoughts, and I’ve found this to be very helpful.  I live in a gated community, so I’ll just walk around the tennis court with my earbuds in.  Listening to music is honestly the best thing for the soul. 
• Light some candles.  I’ve never really understood meditation.  I used to laugh about it.  I just thought that there was no way of sitting there, trying to focus on anything other than your thoughts.  But, by lighting some scented candles, and setting a lighthearted mood, I’ve noticed it really does bring some added comfort.  Sometimes, I’ll put on the meditation guided app, wake up.  It’s soothing to listen to regardless of my concentration.
• Choosing soft things: I’ll make a cozy meal, throw on one of my comfort shows, and zone out.  Sometimes doing nothing is exactly what I need. 

These are just some of the things that have helped me personally.  I know there are many other routes to try, and I’m going to.  I just have to do things at my own pace.  Healing takes time, and there is no sense in rushing it.  I want to put my best foot forward. 

Spiraling can be predictable and unpredictable.  Sometimes you can feel it coming, but other times it hits you like a ton of bricks.  I’m learning how to manage it with helpful tools and resources.  My small rituals have been very beneficial, and I want to keep implementing them, so I become more and more familiar with how to navigate the spiral effect. 

Does spiraling look the same for you?

How do you practice self-care in those moments?  

Let me know your thoughts.  I’d love to hear them!

“Sometimes the strongest storms are the ones we fight inside.”

Unknown