The Unique Journey to Discovering Joy

Happiness is somewhat of a rarity for me. It’s something that I don’t experience very often. I don’t know whether it’s because I don’t openly welcome joy, or because I don’t know what it feels like anymore.

For many years, I was depressed and out of touch with who I am. Depression can take a heavy toll on your mental health, and it makes it really difficult to find pleasure in anything. So whenever something good happened, I’d be grateful, but I wouldn’t really be “happy.”

Happiness is something that I don’t really feel as deeply as others appear to. I get excited about new opportunities like traveling, eating at new restaurants (I’m a foodie), and going to concerts, but there’s still a sense of dullness there. On the inside, I’m delighted. On the outside, I look unintentionally miserable.

I feel happiness differently from others. I don’t outwardly express it. It’s more of an internal feeling. I’ll open up a gift from someone and genuinely be happy receiving it, but my outward expression appears mundane. I’ve always been this way for as long as I can remember. It’s not that I don’t want to be enthusiastic; it’s just that I have a hard time trying to figure out how to show that I am.

I never have that extra bit of umph or gusto like most people I’ve seen. For me, it’s just innate to feel the way that I do. If I were to act like others, it would be untrue to myself and would genuinely feel unnatural. But even though I express my emotions differently doesn’t mean that I don’t get feelings of happiness.

For me, I’m honestly most happy when I’m spending time with my friends. We always have a great time together, and I feel comfortable and safe in their presence. We’ll often check out new places or have a cozy night in, sharing old stories and drinking a glass or two of wine. I just love being with the people who bring out that joy in me because I feel like I can let my mask down and truly just be myself without guilt.

However, I must say that the happiest I’ve ever felt was going on a trip to Italy — a country I’ve long admired, adored, and felt connected to. While there, I immersed myself in the culture and tried to see as much as I could, noticing everything down to the tiniest detail.

My favorite day was visiting San Gimignano and Siena. It was a Tuscan day trip with a group of tourists, but we had free time to explore the cities on our own. I remember eating at a local restaurant in the town square of Siena. It was glorious. We had a five-course meal, walked around with what was known as the world’s best gelato, and wandered around the small shops. I’ll never forget those small, narrow cobblestone streets and an area with the most scenic view of the countryside hillside. A fresh garden of tomatoes blooming, the grassy knolls, the cottages — it was truly breathtaking.

We ended the day eating at the rooftop restaurant of our hotel. It was so beautiful basking in the twinkling city, looking at the towering Duomo, having a glass of wine, and a plate of pasta.

Every little moment spent there was exhilarating. Just the feeling of expecting something new each day brought me so much happiness. I think for me, I’m most happy when I’m traveling and exploring new places, no matter how much it might terrify me being in unfamiliar territories. It brings me out of my comfort zone and puts me in a new light — one that welcomes change and embraces new experiences.

So even though happiness doesn’t hit me very often, I know it’s there, ready and waiting to be unleashed. I just need to be with the right people, in the right setting, and really let the excitement in. I might not show it outwardly, but believe me — when I’m happy, the feeling is there and is just as intense as someone else’s joyful screams.

“Happiness doesn’t always look loud. Sometimes it lives quietly, waiting for the right moment to be felt.” – Unknown