Building a Life That Needs Less Escaping From

I’ve always been a daydreamer. A drifter. A wanderer.

I’ve always found myself wanting to be somewhere else other than reality.

I think of different versions of myself. Versions where I’m more adept, capable, and strong. Versions where I feel less weighed down by anxiety and the constant thoughts that seem to occupy my mind.

For most of my life, I would imagine what it would feel like to wake up somewhere new, somewhere more peaceful, somewhere where I could finally exhale without the weight of anxiety.

For a long time, I thought these dreams meant that I needed to escape.

I thought they were signs that I needed a fresh start. That happiness was waiting somewhere beyond my current circumstances. It felt like if I could just get through a hard time, then everything would finally feel easier.

But I started wondering if I was actually searching for an escape—or if I was searching for a life that felt better to come back to.

There is a difference.

Sometimes we don’t need to run away from our lives. Instead, we need to slowly rebuild them into something that feels more like home.

I think many of us have a place we escape to in our minds.

It could be a future version of ourselves who finally has everything figured out. A dream home, a different career, a relationship, a vacation, or a new place where we believe we will finally feel like ourselves.

Dreams can give us hope. They remind us that there is still something ahead worth moving toward, and I know I hold onto the hope they bring.

At the same time, it’s easy to put so much pressure on the future that we forget to ask ourselves:

What about the life I’m living right now?

Am I creating a life I actually want to be present for?

Or am I constantly waiting for the next thing to save me?

Recently, I’ve noticed how much I’ve been relying on the next thing to carry me through, and right now, that thing is my upcoming trip to Europe.

I can’t stop thinking about becoming the version of myself that I know I can be in different places.

When I travel, I’m so immersed in the culture, the food, and the way of life that I don’t have much time to think about anything else. I’m simply enjoying every bit of every moment in the present.

There is something about being somewhere new that allows me to let go. Instead of replaying every worry or thinking about everything waiting for me back home, I find myself fully immersed in what’s right in front of me.

For a little while, I’m simply there—experiencing, exploring, and enjoying the moment.

When I’m here at home, it can feel much harder. I get stuck in my problems, my thoughts, and the things I cannot change—or the things I keep telling myself I should have done differently.

That’s where dreaming comes in.

It gives me something to look forward to and reminds me that I can’t give up, even on the hard days.

That little escape brings me a sense of joy and contentment.

And I’ve realized there is nothing wrong with that.

Sometimes those dreams are what help us survive difficult seasons.

But I’ve also started asking myself if I’m using those dreams as inspiration—or if I’m using them to avoid being present in my own life.

For many neurodivergent people, this feeling can be familiar.

When you spend years masking, pushing through sensory overwhelm, ignoring your own needs, or trying to fit into expectations that don’t feel natural, eventually your mind and body start asking for something different.

Not necessarily a new life, but a more sustainable one—a life where you don’t have to constantly perform or recover from simply existing.

I need quiet time and a chance to recuperate after anything emotionally, mentally, or physically draining. It’s where I can truly reset and reconnect with myself.

If I don’t get the time I need, I become irritable, frustrated, and quite frankly, angry because I know I’m pushing myself past my limit.

For as long as I can remember, I’ve always needed time alone.

I never really understood why that was, though.

Everyone else around me seemed to handle everything so much better than I could. They appeared to move through life with a level of ease that I simply couldn’t understand, which made me wonder if something was wrong with me.

Why did I need so much alone time as a kid?

Kids are supposed to be playful, active, and full of energy.

I was quite the opposite.

I was more reclusive and needed space to recover from socializing, sensory overload, and emotional exhaustion.

I would retreat into my own world because that was where I felt the most comfortable.

Looking back now, I have a better understanding of why I needed that time.

Being neurodivergent, self-care tends to look slightly different.

It isn’t always about adding more things to our lives.

Sometimes it’s about listening to what our minds and bodies have been asking for all along.

And I’ve learned that there is nothing wrong with wanting a break.

Sometimes we genuinely need distance from stress, and travel, vacations, hobbies, books, movies, or simply a quiet moment can be exactly what we need.

Escape says:

“I need to get away from my life because I can’t handle being here.”

Restoration says:

“I want to care for myself because my life matters.”

One comes from desperation, while the other comes from compassion.

Building a life you don’t constantly need to escape from means creating a life that supports who you actually are.

I’m still learning what that looks like.

I don’t think it means creating a perfect life or one without hard moments. Instead, I think it means creating a life where I have room to breathe, where I can honor my needs instead of constantly fighting against them, and where I can still find small moments of peace even when life is difficult.

Maybe we aren’t searching for somewhere else.

Maybe we’re searching for a way to finally feel at home within ourselves.

Have you ever found yourself longing for somewhere else, only to realize you were really longing to feel more at home within yourself?

“Wherever you go, there you are.” — Jon Kabat-Zinn

Listen to the podcast episode here: