Lessons Learned from Solitude and Loneliness
Most of the time, I’ve always enjoyed being alone. I think it’s because from an early age, I often played alone. I made friends in preschool, so I had many playdates and developed more friendships over the years throughout school and such. But still, I’m an only child, so there were many times I was left to my own devices to entertain myself.
The feeling of loneliness didn’t really come until my teenage years, when I started realizing that so much solitude had made me disconnected from others. In high school, I had a hard time making friends because I was just so used to being alone, and I struggled to approach people. Eventually, I did find a close group, but it made me realize that even when I’m in the presence of others, I still feel utterly alone. I still feel this way to this day.
The thing is, I make myself hidden, unavailable, and distant. I think loneliness has always cradled me in some way. And now, I know that too much solitude can be harmful when it starts to interfere with developing friendships or relationships. I love being alone — just not actually being alone. I like having others around, even if we’re not constantly interacting.
Here are some of the lessons solitude has taught me:
- Being alone can feel safe, especially when vulnerability feels risky
- Solitude can be comforting without actually being healing
- Feeling lonely doesn’t always mean being physically alone
- Too much independence can make it harder to ask for connection
- Hiding can protect you from pain, but it can also keep you invisible
- Wanting solitude doesn’t mean you don’t want relationships
- Balance matters — alone time is healthy, isolation is not
I’m learning that solitude doesn’t have to be something I retreat into out of fear. It can be a place to rest, to reflect, and to recharge, not a permanent state of disconnection. I want to be alone without disappearing. I want presence without pressure, connection without expectation, and relationships that feel safe enough to step into.
This is still something that I’m learning how to navigate. I don’t want to abandon solitude, because it has shaped me and protected me in many ways. But I also don’t want to stay hidden inside it forever. My goal isn’t to change who I am, but to ease the distance I place between myself and others. To let solitude be a place I return from. Not a place I stay stuck in.
Where in your life are you choosing solitude — and where might you be choosing invisibility instead?
“The greatest thing in the world is to know how to belong to oneself.” — Michel de Montaigne
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One Comment
Darryl B
Great post, a lot to ponder. Loved these two esp:
Solitude can be comforting without actually being healing
Feeling lonely doesn’t always mean being physically alone
Nice one 😎👏