The Problem Was Never Learning

I’ve always been a lifelong learner.

The problem was never learning.

It was school.

Or more specifically, the environment that came with it.

I actually enjoyed parts of school growing up. I liked reading, researching, learning new things, and discovering subjects that interested me. But I never really meshed well in a traditional classroom setting.

School was always a distraction for me. There were too many people talking all at once while I was trying to pay attention to the teacher. The bright fluorescent lighting and small desk space made me anxious every day.

Looking back now, I realize I was simply overstimulated.

There was the constant anticipation anxiety day in and day out, trying to focus while everything around me felt loud and distracting.

But when I was home, in my own safe space, everything changed.

I could learn in a way that worked with how my brain processes information. There were no outside distractions for me to grab onto. No noises. No bright lights.

It was much more conducive for me to work in that setting.

I’ve always learned best when I’m on my own or if I have one-on-one time with a teacher.

Although, if I’m being honest, that rarely happened because I refused to ask for help most of the time.

I never wanted to be a burden.

For a long time, I thought I was one.

So, I stayed quiet and hidden away as much as possible.

When it comes to learning a subject I’m not interested in, it can be rather unbearable to get through.

For me, math was always my enemy.

We didn’t like each other very much.

I remember constant meltdowns over trying to solve an equation. Nights spent with my dad until the wee hours of the morning trying to understand why x had to equal anything.

It was so infuriating and frustrating not being able to understand any of it.

I was so hard on myself.

It took more energy than I thought to finally finish math for good.

Once I got to college, after taking a remedial algebra course, I hit a sweet spot—math theories.

All we were required to do was read, research, and write essays, which happened to be my favorite way of showing my interest and understanding of something.

And once that course was done, I was more than happy to hang my math cap up and never look at it again.

And I haven’t since.

But when it comes to areas of interest—history, science, art, and literature—those were where I truly shined.

I remember taking an art history class in high school, and it revealed my deep passion for history in general.

I also took another art history course in college, and that really opened my eyes to newfound passions and interests.

I became rather obsessed with Renaissance art.

I practically lived it and breathed it for a good while, studying and learning anything I could outside of the classroom.

I’d read through the required text and then take it into my own hands to continue the learning journey.

Researching online.

Ordering new books.

Writing in my notebooks every word spoken by the teacher.

When I’m hooked on something, I’m really hyperfocused on it.

And when I mean I want to know more, I want to know every little detail.

I don’t just want to learn the basics. I want to know everything.

And let me tell you, the first day I breathed in that European air, my heart felt full.

I got to see nearly everything I had spent years studying.

The Colosseum.

Stonehenge.

The Roman Baths.

The Duomo.

Museums filled with the art I had adored for years.

It was surreal.

These places and works of art that had only existed in textbooks and documentaries were suddenly standing right in front of me.

I wasn’t just learning history anymore.

I was standing in it.

It only increased my desire to learn more and broaden my horizons.

So yes, I’ve always been a lifelong learner.

And I think I always will be.

Because the truth is, no one has it all figured out.

There is always something new to learn—in school, in social settings, in life, and especially about ourselves.

Lately, I’ve been learning a lot about myself too.

My diagnosis of ADHD and my self-discovery journey with Autism have completely changed the relationship I have with myself.

I finally understand why certain things have always felt harder for me.

Why I become overstimulated so easily.

Why transitions can feel so difficult.

Why I need different kinds of rest.

And honestly, I don’t think that kind of learning ever really ends.

Every day, we learn something new about ourselves.

Sometimes it’s something small, like realizing we need more quiet time, more alone time, or that we actually enjoy spending more time outdoors.

Sometimes it’s something much bigger—a new passion, a boundary, or a deeper understanding of who we are.

I think having a good relationship with yourself is one of the most important things in life.

And part of building that relationship is staying curious about yourself.

Paying attention.

Asking questions.

Allowing yourself to change.

Learning what brings you peace, what gives you energy, and what makes you feel most like you.

Because some of the most meaningful things I’ve ever learned haven’t come from a classroom or a textbook.

They’ve come from understanding myself a little better.

And I hope I never stop learning.

Are you a lifelong learner?

“Live as if you were to die tomorrow. Learn as if you were to live forever.” — Mahatma Gandhi

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